Control the Controllable

Have you ever experienced sharing your energy with a person that you may not like or necessarily get along with, and then after complaining about it? If your response is yes; it’s time for you to control the controllable in your life. What I mean by this is, instead of complaining about a person bringing you negative energy or taking you out of character, don’t allow them to do so. You may not be able to control the actions of others, but you can control your actions and how you choose to respond. To best practice controlling the controllable, we have to look at access and the amount that we may provide to individuals. A person can’t interrupt our peace or character if we don’t allow them access to; meaning the ability to reach out to us. By removing access, we show that we will no longer permit toxicity or negativity. When we recognize the shift our environment makes due to a person’s energy being toxic, we have to decide to prioritize our peace and not get sucked in by negativity. It’s very easy to complain about a person. However, we have to look at how ineffective and draining complaining can really be to our lives. It takes more energy to complain. You have to begin to show people what you will and will not tolerate. When we set the tone, we show people just how much we are willing to prioritize our peace. Compromising your peace should never be an option. Be the person that’s in full control of yourself, and don’t bother to try to involve yourself with other people’s actions. When building any type of relationship, one of the most important things is the responsibility of yourself as an individual. By holding yourself accountable, you put the expectation that you are only in control of your actions alone.

Ridding Yourself of Emotional Baggage

When you think of life, what do you feel is its greatest asset? I know when I think of life and all it has to offer I automatically think about time. Time is life’s greatest attribute. Why? Well because it is one of the most important key factors in our life we can control. We all are given the same hours in a day. It’s how we spend it that’ll differentiate us from the next person. Although we can control how we spend our time, we shouldn’t take for granted the amount of time given to us because we never know when our time will come. It’s crucial that we don’t spend our life harboring bad feelings towards people who may have wronged us or people in general. Harboring bad feelings takes energy and time away from the positive that we can be giving to ourselves. We don’t pay attention to how much we live in our past through our present day. Don’t expect to go forward in life when you continue to look back. It’s almost like driving a car on the highway. You have to keep your eyes on what’s in front of you. If you look back and take your eyes off the road, you’ll cause a full-on collision with what’s in front of you. That’s how we have to treat our lives when it comes to the emotional part of us. Heal through our process of emotional pain, however, do not own your feelings that you allow for it to become a home of pain. We cannot expect to experience happiness if all we ever boast about are the things that have hurt us. Talking through emotional pain may work for some people because whenever they talk about it, they gain strength to keep preserving through life since they’ve overcome that very thing it is they thought they couldn’t. Words are powerful and can create life or death which is why we shouldn’t spend too much time giving our energy to pain. We have to think of pain as the key to teaching us how to love and happiness. We cannot endure either of these things without knowing what pain feels like. It is our pain that equips us to move ahead and forward through life.

Tapping Into Your Worth

Although we may not be perfect in someone else's eyes, we have to always remember to know our own worth. We can't expect people to see the value of who and what we are if we do not see it on our own. People will always treat us how we decide to either treat ourselves or how we present ourselves to others. It is important that we tap into our worth before we form intimate or platonic friendships. Without tapping into our worth we fall victim to any type of treatment. Always remember that when you stand for nothing you fall for anything. The bonds and relationships we form with others are very important. However, we must be sure to have a healthy relationship within ourselves first and foremost. Never let a person's perception dictate the way you view yourself as an individual. Take constructive criticism about things that you should improve about yourself, but don't live in the opinion of someone else's view. People will call you a thousand and one things but it isn't about what people call you and about what you answer to.  Life is too short to walk around living in the view of how other's may want you to maneuver through life. You are the piolet in your life and the controller of your own happiness. Do not let people take you granted nor should you settle for less. When a person begins to tap and fully operate into their worth, they do not let people come into their lives giving them anything less than what they know they deserve. We won't always be one hundred percent all the time with ourselves, but what counts most is that we constantly operate within the journey of finding our true value. I challenge all you Queens to find your worth then add tax to it.

The Importance of Self-Love

Self-Love is important for each and every one of us to possess. The way we speak and view ourselves will develop the likelihood of how our external relationships will develop. One way of being able to develop self-love is by first practicing discipline. When we discipline ourselves, we hold ourselves accountable. Accountability and discipline are practices that we should all try to carry amongst ourselves because as a result of practicing those things we find self-love within ourselves. It can become very difficult to develop external relationships if one doesn’t practice the art of self-love within. This can potentially become an issue with forming personal relationships because we cannot give to others, what we don’t give to ourselves as individuals. We all have a choice to be our best selves. At times, certain things are embedded within us because of our family dynamics and genetics. Some may not know how to practice self-love simply because it wasn’t taught to them. One should not worry if they are unsure of how to develop self-love. Everything as far as our experiences that make us who we are, are all temporary. We can always ask for the help of how to gain self-love from ones around us who practice self-love the best and who are emotionally mature. Everything of who we are and our development will help shape us for our future. Even ones who may not possess self-love just yet, this experience will allow you measure of nostalgia, simply because you’ll see how far you’ve come and all that it was you had to overcome. We just have to remember that what we are at times is temporary because we are constantly molding into beautiful beings every day.

Gratefulness

It’s possible that many of us may be going through a season where we have lost loved ones or ones that we hold near and dear. I myself experience the season of missing loved ones around the holidays. The holidays can be hard for some because it is a time where we are embracing our loved ones around us. It’s more than just a holiday or festivities. Yes, the dinner is good and we enjoy the time being around our loved ones. However, it is the act of creating a tradition that may make the holiday season hard for some of us. We begin to become accustomed to these traditions we create with our loved ones. Though the holiday season becomes bittersweet each year, what I am learning most is to embrace the things that are still around me. I hold the people that are no longer here in my heart. I’m very grateful for the experiences that I’m still capable of participating in with my family I still do have. This is the season of gratefulness and thankfulness. Thankful for the opportunity of being able to slow down in life, enjoy family time, and reflect on memories. There is beauty in being able to reflect and appreciate things during this season of giving. Though we may not still have the things that we hold near and dear to our hearts anymore, those loved ones would want us to continue to live life and enjoy the beauty of the holiday season. It’s important to be grateful during all these moments of life because we never know when it’ll be our time to go. Enjoy the new experiences with your friends/family, create new traditions, and memories to continue to carry along your family line.

Keep Faith Alive

I believe this is a time of year where we all worldwide are experiencing a test of faith. Things are occurring in our life that we cannot control or we are stepping into new unforeseen areas of uncertainty. As individuals, I know we are normally used to being able to control things or the results of how something may turn out. However, let’s not become accustomed to being able to control everything. Let’s train our minds to understand that change is okay to endure and adapt to. We may not know all the answers to our circumstances right now or in the near future, and that’s okay. During the stages of uncertainty, we should find faith in these times of the unknown. The unknown can be fearful, but sitting in fear causes us to live a life of limitation. We aren’t able to fully live our lives if we walk around being fearful because we are constantly in the thought of the “what if” factor. A balance of mental health is the only way one can possess faith. How we think for starters will determine whether or not we are able to keep faith and hope alive within ourselves. Even if we aren’t able to always be perfect one hundred percent of the times, it’s imperative we surround ourselves with people who can instill into us when we are lacking. We should all act as vessels to one another so that we are always being our best selves for ourselves. We have all been placed here to teach one another. No worries if things don’t make sense in your life today. Remember to keep the faith and understand that things occur in life when we least expect it. Things may not come to us when we want them, but they will always come when we need them to and when it is their time.

The Wisdom of Mental Discipline

I’m currently in a transition in life where I know exactly where I would like to be in career and life choice wise. However, currently where I actually am right now is what keeps me distracted from reaching my actual goal. When I say distraction I don’t mean it as a bad thing of course, but as being distracting mentally when I’m operating in those settings. Every day I train my mind to mentally be my best self even if I don’t want to be in a certain setting. We have to always be our best selves when going through transitions in life. I try to be as optimistic as possible because I am in total control of whatever the outcome will be. We crave the idea of success and at some moments, we forget the things that we are currently blessed with in our lives. On this month of November, be thankful for the things life has to give; the good, bad, ugly, and indifferent. Even if we aren’t solely operating in our purpose in life just yet, be grateful for the current standing you have in life. It’s best to be humble amongst adversity because it teaches us to appreciate all moments and not just the moments where we are blessed. I started to realize that these current moments I’m going through in life right now will be useful towards my future with how I choose to handle situations of adversity. The moment I started to appreciate where I currently was in life, that’s when the things I wanted and prayed for started to flow into my life.

Journey to Self-Love

As we live our life, we may question why God places certain people in our lives at certain points. We try to find the answer to unforeseen circumstances. I know this because I practice this every day wondering why I cross paths with certain individuals. It’s human instinct to question why a person is in your life or may want to be in your life. Although a person may say one thing, in due time you may find their true face and meaning of their true existence in your life. Time is a measurable expectancy that allows you to understand that all people go on a journey with time. We are all human beings trying to find out who we are and how to particularly love ourselves. This is the journey of self-love that we all embark upon. It’s just so unfortunate that within this journey, people may get hurt. Individuals possess a certain level of strength if they're able to embark on the journey of self-love and not bring someone into their chaos while they do so; hence collateral damage. We have to sit in the comfort of ourselves and deal with our issues. If we can’t do so right away it is okay. Slowly pace yourself by taking it a day at a time where a couple of hours out of the day you aren’t on social media, talking to any friends or family, and just giving yourself your full undivided attention. Play your favorite indie music or nature soundscapes, light some candles, take a nice bubble bath and just focus your mind on the things that you love about yourself. As you begin to come up with these things, verbally begin to say them aloud so that your mind can gain the confidence in knowing the true love you have for yourself. That’s just a simple practice that can be done a few days out of the week so that you can begin to first affirm to yourself the things you already love about yourself. By doing this we begin on the journey of dealing with your flaws or shortcomings that we can confront in private and not involve others in the midst. Although it’s a few hours out of the day, the gesture sets the tone for you to then focus on because you know you love yourself, you’ll begin to pay attention to those around you, and wonder if they love you just the same as you love yourself. Practicing self-love helps you opt people out of your life who don’t love you the same way you do them. It’s not to judge but it’s to be aware that they too may be on the journey of self-love.

Puzzled Reflection

At what point when situations don’t work out so we question if we may be the reason as to why? When conflict arises it’s good to self-reflect and be sure that you aren’t the cause of it all. In some cases, as individuals, we can be toxic and not even realize it because we are blinded by what that person may have personally done to us to cause our pain as a reaction. With self-reflection, we shouldn’t make what others do to us the reason or issue as to why we may become disconnected with others. Perhaps we can look at these situations of adversity as opportunities to check ourselves. If we are in situations where we are pushing those around us away, it’s important to look at the mistakes we might’ve made throughout the course of a relationship. We aren’t less worthy if we push people around us away. We can keep growing and constantly looking for ways to improve as individuals. By looking at these mistakes, we can own them, grow from them and move in by applying those lessons to our lives. I like to think that we are our very own personal puzzles. At times, it calls for us to have to take our puzzle pieces out that may already be in place, in order to arrange and make room for another piece to conclude the project. That’s how we are as human beings constantly expanding, growing, and adding things to ourselves to change how we appear.

Life of Receptiveness

In life, it’s easy to take the good things that occur. However when it’s time to experience difficult situations we normally can’t handle going through them. We have to remember that with the life we are supposed to take the good and the bad. Being receptive of our situations we experience to build character. Right now I’m currently in the stage of my life where I’m experiencing many different obstacles where at times it slows down me getting to my end result. At times when we plan, we never really think about what could go on in between the process of reaching our goal. It can be a little discouraging at times when things don’t go as planned. We shouldn’t let adversity keep us from pursuing our dreams. Adversity builds persistency and ignites the fire for a person to want to keep trying until they achieve. Our process through life and our experiences hold value with our accomplishments. It’s not one thing in life I don’t appreciate going through. We may think that at the time when we are going through difficulty that we can’t get through it. It’s easy to think that when you’re actually in the situation and see no way out. How we think will always play a factor in how we get out of situations. Thinking positively will help us maneuver through life. 

I Am Not My Wounds

I’m a firm believer of one understanding where they have come from and what they have been through. Simply because it allows them to know where they want to go and what they want to do. It’s important to remember that we are are not products of our past. We overcome adversity every day we wake up and continue to push through in life making choices that best fit us. Although some choices may not be the best in the end, it’s the lessons we take from these mistakes that build character. We must not wear what we have been through or what we are currently going through. As individuals, we are not what we have been through. Why? Because we have gotten through whatever it was we thought we couldn’t get through. STRENGTH. That’s what we obtain when we get through life’s obstacles. Strength is the greatest gift we can possess through our pain because it gives hope to others. We can share our stories with people to encourage the next person. However, when we wear what we have been through, we give people the ammunition to judge us by how we are coming off physically when it comes to our emotions without giving them the background behind why we are the way we are. By giving people the background it allows them to understand us and not judge. People are normally judgmental because of lack of knowledge. I encourage everyone to wake up everyday positive with a clean slate eager and ready to show the world who we are and what we are capable of doing. “Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.”-Bil Keane

The Appreciation of Valuing Yourself

I feel as though too many live their life fighting for others to stay in it, and when these people decide to leave they spend time questioning their worth. We have to remember the importance of not allowing another person’s actions to question the value of what we are. When we lose people we treat them as lessons and times of reflection. However, we should never begin to look down on ourselves. There will be times where we are the reasons why people may not want to deal with us. Never confuse these moments with feeling like you’re missing something because that person no longer sees fit to serve existence in your life. Some new beginnings will last a lifetime, while others will come to an end and that is okay. We weren’t created to convince people to see our worth. We are here to show people who we are, and if they miss seeing your value, you have at least done your job in introducing yourself. Treat yourself like a prize humbly in every situation your life presents to you. Only spread love and nourishment to those who are deserving of you. We have been created to spread love and learn from one another while being able to live our lives and flourish in growth. People who are deserving of you will make you feel appreciated, anything less isn’t and shouldn’t be deserving of you.

Seasons of Success

As human beings, we experience seasons of when we are very fruitful and other seasons where we may not experience as much growth or success. Those seasons where we are down, we should never become discouraged. We must find gratitude amongst those cultivating seasons. When we are at our lowest, it is very easy to pay attention to the people around you and their seasons of success. Do not become envious or question as to why it may not be you. Embrace the success of others in order to obtain the success of your own. Although it is easier said than done, I feel that we should appreciate those we have around and embrace their accomplishments. Nothing good will come of you or to you holding negative feelings toward the next person. What we feel towards the next person plays a major role in the energy of the things that will come to us. We miss out on good things that potentially can be for us harboring negative feelings. That’s why it’s always good to find the gratitude in every stage of our life that we go through. We cannot embrace true success if we aren’t able to understand and appreciate our failures. True character is being able to appreciate when you may be low in life. How you respond during these moments is what will determine your success and the results for what comes out of your process. In the words of former 76ers manager Sam Hinkie, “Trust the process.”

Mental Investments

Our greatest asset is our mind, and and our ability to control our thoughts. We can not become masters of time management if we first can’t control the pathway of our thoughts. Every second of everyday is severely crucial. Although it may not feel like it, the time we spend thinking allots for majority of or success. If we do not think about above average things, simplicity will be the fruitful labor we put out into our lives. It’s not always the act of physically doing things that counts as sometimes wasting time, but sometimes even how we think is a waste. if If it doesn’t add to your current value mentally or physically to where you would like to be in life, then it is a waste. Take lessons from things that occur in our life, but don’t spend so much time allowing simple things to feel at home in your mind. Granted no one is perfect and some days our minds may not be the best. We have to train our minds to stay active and productive. My way to practice this is by blogging. I feel that it is the best way of productivity because it allows for me to channel my thoughts and ideas while keeping my creativity active. We don’t realize that our mind is the reason we are in some cases and situations. Our mental should be just as healthy as we keep our physical bodies. We have to become better thinkers if we want better results in our life. It goes back to “if you can believe it you can achieve it.”

The Art of Self-Reliance in Dating

I remember the day I fell in love for the first time. The day I couldn’t see myself without my first love. The codependency began to reach great heights. Which is why I believe I attracted him; I gave off an energy of need that would later become a psychological reliance on my partner. I began to love this person so much, that it became of second nature to me. Loving my first love became so easy. The way we loved one another was simply unmatched that we began to transfer energies and become codependent of one another. Maybe that is why God chose to remove this aspect from my life. When we become needy of a person and lose sight of the other things that matter, things will almost always transpire to interrupt what has now become a norm of ours. What was then seen as my peace being interrupted, was really God showing me not to love someone so much that I forget to love and support myself. As women, we have a nurturing spirit in us as is that when we love men, we try to mold, shape, or save them. When really, we shouldn’t look at men as conquest or projects. It isn’t our job to raise men we date. We cannot fill the void that the woman (his mother) in his life needed to fill and men can’t fill the void in our lives that our fathers needed to fill. Learn what these voids are, or you will give off the energy of whatever that void is, and attract a man that will do nothing but fill that same void but instead of loving him, you’ll become solely codependent of needing him to fill this void. What you thought would be love at one point, now becomes an excessiveness because you need this person for the lack of what may be missing in you. It’s always good to learn yourself before jumping into dating simply because when we know ourselves and love ourselves, we project that into dating then start to date with a purpose. Relationships not working has nothing to do with the other party and everything to do with ourselves. When your relationship doesn’t work out simply go back to square one by asking “what about me attracted me to this person?”

Butterfly Effect

We are beginning to enter a season where many of us experience many different transitions and emotions. This is the season I like to think of as the caterpillar season. We embark upon many journeys and constantly stay productive. During this process, we can allow ourselves to grow and develop. We are able to gain knowledge and rid ourselves of the things we may not be proud of. This is the perfect season to work on breaking bad habits. Spend this time soaking up the positive energy around you so that it can help you reach your fullest growth. Make room for change and be open to the greatest phenomenon. Though this process may be difficult, we can appreciate understanding that with growing pains comes the cocoon stage of our season. Where we are then protected and provided with comfort and strength to be able to withstand and survive our next stage of life. The cocoon stage is the most patient stage where we are sitting and waiting patiently to be able to reveal ourselves. Not until we hear from God is when the time is right for us to become butterflies. I like to view our seasons changing as the butterfly effect. The weather is changing and with that so are we. Seasonal changes come into our lives so that we can always make room for new things. We have to trust the caterpillar in order to appreciate being the butterfly.

The Dynamics in Self-Development

The most difficult part of our development is understanding the dynamics of who we are, what we are, and where we come from. In order to be our best selves, we must understand that we are products of our parents and how they are, is who we have the potential to be whether it be negative or positive.  If we don't take time out to understand the dynamics, we open up ourselves to become the things we may not like about our parents. A mother and father's job is to raise their child or children in the image of what either of them couldn't be when they were growing up. For example, the bond between a father and daughter. A father shows himself to his daughter by presenting himself in the image of how a man should conduct himself. If that dad does a poor job, she will have a poor image of men and begin involving herself with men who are in the image of her father. Which vice versa when a mom is developing her son, his image of women would most likely come from his mother. Even if our biological parents aren't the ones to necessarily raise us or be involved in our lives as much, whomever those prominent figures end up being during our self-development, will determine how we view the person of the opposite sex. Our self-development has a lot to do with how we develop and choose to form relationships throughout our life. If we aren't given the proper developmental skills, our self-development will be just as difficult to focus on due to us being unaware of certain skills we should possess. In fact, our self-development is so crucial, that it controls the direction we will take our life depending on what skills and values were instilled in us. By not only becoming aware of our family dynamics, but also being able to understand the dynamics of our background, will help guide us down a path to allow us to reveal these things about yourself so that people have the choice to either accept where you are and stay in your life, or accept where you are and exit. That is the most beneficial thing you can do to a person when you understand the dynamics of your self-development; that is the benefit of allowing them to have a choice. If we don't understand the dynamics of ourselves, we may experience conflict every now and then that forces us to first blame people for why things may not work out with us. It's important for us to look at life as a positive attribute given to us. even if we ever experience a situation that may seem like a conflict, we can use these times to re-evaluate and tap into our dynamics. 

Mastering the Art of Self Control

Self-control comes in all different shapes and sizes when dealing with different individuals. What works for one person may not work for the next. Some people are born with higher levels of self-control than others. There are some cases where individuals who you come in contact with may be prone to short-term temptations, and in cases like that, a person has to learn to master the art of self-control. The easiest way to practice self-control is by first protecting self from self. We are the controllers behind the energy we surround ourselves with as well as what we let in and out of our actual environment around us. A way of not being too hard on yourself when it comes to self-control is, surrounding yourself with people who will help support you in avoiding the temptation of whatever it is you're trying to control. This is most effective because people allow you not to become disappointed or discouraged if you slip up or make mistakes, they teach you the perseverance behind mastering self-control. We have to learn both the balance part of self-control and also the calmness behind it. Knowing to have a balance between messing up and holding yourself accountable is what will keep you from giving up on yourself and continuing to have the willpower. Mastering self-control not only teaches self-discipline, but it also shows statistically that people who carry more self-control, do more things to take care of themselves more than with a person lacking actual self-control. Self-control is really something that If not gained it can have a negative effect on how you interact amongst relationships, your confidence level in yourself, and your overall peace and calmness of life.  

The Transaction of Relationships

We go through life not really paying attention to relationships and how they can begin to affect us once we get older. As we grow through life, the rules begin to become more strict and we become mindful of our relationships and its benefits. Once we discover what we will and will not settle for in relationships, we filter and differentiate what is beneficial, and get rid of what isn't benefiting us or no longer serving a purpose. We have to understand that no matter WHAT type of relationship it is, we must treat ANY relationship like a transaction process. The transaction process of a relationship isn't monetary nor does it have to be tangible. Relationships are more so about depositing into someone and not always taking withdrawals where there is not even exchange. You can't be the only person in a relationship not benefiting. I know to hear that it may sound a little selfish, however, a person you're connected to is reaping the benefits of your existence in their life, while you are stunting your growth. Sounds a little outrageous, don't you think? All too often we want to be the fixer of a person's life and we don't even pay attention that we take the focus off of ourselves. In the midst of trying to help and fix someone else, we have to ask ourselves, is this person able to help me in that same way or another way if needed? Too many deposits into another's account, and you will leave yourself overdrawn with nothing left to provide to your homefront. Which is why it is important to have an even amount of deposits and exchanges. It isn't good to be the highest valued person in any relationship because while helping others grow, who do you have to look to and continue your growth process? Life is way too short to invest unneeded time and energy into someone who isn't making the proper transactions into your life. I myself have to take a look at my life and begin to differentiate who I need and who I just want around for pleasure. We can't be afraid to lose a person or a relationship. We have to look at this as a process of giving not only yourself time to grow, but someone else as well since you both just aren't helping one another grow. We have to put all the focus on our growth before tending to someone else. Sometimes it is impossible to focus all on yourself when you have someone else to think about.

Mirrored Perspective

The most important thing for us to pay attention to is the mirrored perspective of ourselves. All too often we point out things that we dislike about others. However, at what moment do we stop and take a look at ourselves, and ask what is it about that person that draws them to us? We connect with people by the energy that draws them to us. Most of our connections throughout life thrive from either who we are, who we used to be, or who we have the potential to be. God allows the universe to align itself by connecting us with people to help us learn things about ourselves. Sometimes, there comes a point in time where we don't see the bigger picture until we step back to look at it from a different perspective. What I mean by this exactly is, we don't sometimes see things until a person makes us aware of it, and when they do, that's when we begin to focus on another perspective. That is what life is all about, understating things from different perspectives. I'm at a season in my life where I like to call it a reflective perspective. God currently is and has been placing people in my life where they are possessing qualities that I do not like. Qualities that allow for me to see much of my older self in these same people who I am currently attracting. Which I have to pay attention to because at times we say that we have grown and changed, but in actuality, God is providing us with multiple tests to see if we have truly overcome adversity.  I believe when things like this begin to occur, it's a perfect time to reflect on gaining a knowledge of your likes and dislikes. When we can point out the things we do not like about others, we can gain a perspective to then begin to verbally manifest the things that we want from a person or people that we choose to surround ourselves with. I believe we should take the time out to understand the dynamics of people and not be judgmental. The best way of doing this is by living a mirrored perspective of life. The type of life to always take a look at yourself first, understand who you are, and make a decision to either be comfortable or uncomfortable in the results. It starts with first understanding ourselves before we can understand others. 

Humbleness in Pain

When power is given to us we can expect pain to come. "Pain is what God gives with power to keep you from arrogance-"TD Jakes. We have the power to live our life abundantly when living in our purpose. However, at times there will be seasons where you are gifted or in a prison. Sometimes you are exemplifying your talent, but being overlooked. There is nothing wrong with being overlooked because you find strength and gain power. When you want to be of high quality,  God makes you wait. You have the knowledge of patience and trusting the process. Life in purpose is always about timing. When others around you are being blessed, we shouldn't look in envy or question. We should continue to have the power to understand that greatness is created in time. Even when we do experience pain, we have to find good in the pain throughout our purposeful lives. Even when living a purposeful life, we have relationships with people, experience love, and live our daily lives to support our purpose. Life is filled with obstacles and circumstances.  So even when it comes to our interactions amongst people when they cause us pain, it's best to not gain hate for them but to find the vulnerability to let it go. We have to be big enough to find the purpose of our pain or we will never be able to let it go. Do not become entrapped in your pain.  Find humbleness knowing that you're supposed to deal with the distraction of the pain in order to experience the power that God has for your purposeful life. 

The Greatness of Believing in Yourself

One of the major factors that play a toll in believing in yourself and reaching your dreams is better yourself. A lot of us spend so much time going through life spreading ourselves thin. We interact in so many things but never do we apply that same amount of time or energy back into ourselves. Ways to better ourselves are thinking of areas of opportunity where we can use improvement. For example, cutting back from technology, social media, or television and devoting at least 1-2 hours to yourself. During this time, you can spend time either reading, finding or mastering a craft or trade, or discovering your creativity. So many of us feel that we don't have any greatness simply because we do not discover or develop the greatness. We have to go through life being passionate about ourselves and giving life our all. That means even when things don't work, that doesn't mean we have to embody the pain or fear to keep us from moving forward to do it in the future. Learning to differentiate from who we are and what we do helps expose us for who we are right at that moment. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. Each day we have to rebirth ourselves with a new state of consciousness so that we don't convict our future self. Holding on to the pain will also trap us from our greatness. When you want to go somewhere in life, never question how you will get there. Just remember to hold the vision. We have to be hungry and also surround ourselves with people who do exactly what we want to do. It's not that you are trying to copy them or steal ideas, but you are controlling the energy around you. Surrounding yourself with these positive energies will help drive your hunger to give the best you can when it's your time to shine. We have to be very persistent to give the best we can when it comes to our dreams. We have to treat our dreams with a sense of urgency. Les Brown said, " if we go through like being casual, we will end up a casualty."All our lives have an end date, so we have to be mindful of taking our greatness to our graves. 

Plant a Seed, Watch it Grow

Like plants, God plants things in us and it is our job to cultivate and maintain the things he instills in us. Sometimes if we don’t visually see the growth, we may feel that we haven’t grown at all. Although we may not be able to see the visual fruit from our growth, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t going through the development. We are prepared and nurtured first. In order for us to be able to maintain the things God has for us, he wants to provide us with all the tools to help develop and prepare us. Sometimes through the preparations, there will be some obstacles you may face. God sustains us to get through these things and not over them. That’s the lesson we miss as human beings; thinking that we need to get over things when God places us through repetition. Repetition occurs when we sometimes miss the mark for the first time. It takes time to harvest a forest. We can’t expect growth to happen overnight or within a rapid timeframe. It’s good to set realistic expectations. At times during growth, we experience discomfort. Accept the discomfort because there is no production with growth and comfort.

Power in Silence

Some of the greatest things have been planned in silence. I believe the best creativity comes to a person when they are silent and able to center each thought or idea. The reason I say to make moves in silence is due to things sometimes not going as planned. When fewer people know, it allows a person to navigate through obstacles without people forming negative opinions. What makes sense to us when it comes to our dreams or goals, may not make sense to someone else. Which is an additional reason why it is best to keep your dreams and aspirations to yourself. It's not because you want to be secretive, but because sometimes as human beings when we don't receive that instant gratification, we feel conflict means we shouldn't partake down a certain path. When in actuality, this conflict is equipping one to develop a strength and courage to both persevere and fight. Through the course of my life, I've had some of the wisest things said to me. One in particular that I will never forget, is a conversation I had with my mom in my younger years. She used to always tell me to write down whatever it is I want to do in life so that I don't forget because telling too many people blocks the blessings from God. Silence is golden and I have always valued moving in silence. God has created and instilled in us all uniquely, what he wants each and everyone one of us to do. Don't make the mistake of sharing what God has for you with someone else.

Preparation

Have you ever paid attention to how you may do things and how someone else may do things? If you have, I’m sure you’ve never seen someone do or think exactly how you do. You may find that they may resemble certain behaviors, but nothing exactly like your own. That’s what makes us all unique, our ability to yes share things in common, but still have stories of our own to make us who we are. Although someone may not think like you, or act like you, it doesn’t mean that they are beneath you or morally incorrect for not mirroring your exact values. It’s important to know that we all grow at different paces and times. So when people come in and out of your life, look at it as their purpose already being fulfilled. The level God is preparing you for, they simply will hinder you because their purpose was served. Move on because greater is coming your way. Sometimes being in a person’s life, you two probably hinder one another. You can’t see the bigger picture if you’re standing right next to it.

I Shine, You Shine, We Shine

In society, I find that we fall victim to comparing ourselves to those around us. We question why a person may be receiving a blessing and why we can't be in that exact same position. We are all unique in so many different ways. Each and every one of us has a unique blueprint for what God has planned for us to accomplish. We have to enjoy the positions we are always placed in, even if they are good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. Being able to enjoy every moment is how you manifest positivity to occur in your life. If you can't be at peace when you're going through the bad things too, you close off yourself from the universe to experience anything good. We are only in competition with ourselves, and having a sound mind to make a decision to do whatever it is you would like to do, conspires universe to make it happen. We can look at ourselves as the moon and someone opposite of us as the sun. When we look at the paradox, there is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shie when it is their time. So comparing your life to others is something we shouldn't be doing. We should be beacons of light waiting on our moments to shine.

Unimaginable

What’s the first thing we do when we meet someone for the first time? We make sure that person knows us or who we are. But when do we hold ourselves accountable for how people may treat us, based off of what and who we said we were at our initial interaction? I believe it is difficult to try to digest who and what we are while we are still growing. We can learn things about ourselves during a season, however, we can’t deem that to be who and what we are as a end result. Why? Well because we are like onions layers full of curiosity, things dormant, and things that we don’t even know exist about ourselves. As we embark upon this journey we call life, I feel that each year or season we grow older, we discover a new layer of ourselves. That’s why it’s okay to outgrow people or circumstances. I don’t feel we should be hard on people for the things that they do. Hold them accountable, but don’t feel that because they’ve done what they have done, they go down in character because their value doesn’t match our own. These situations can be seen as growing pains; simply because of the pain that may come from growing at different speeds and times. 

Lessons & How They Are Apart Of Our Growth

Things occur in our life at times that seem all too unfamiliar. We may be at a place in our lives where we are wondering why certain things may be occurring and why they are happening to us. Instead of asking ourselves why we are placed in certain situations, the true essence should be in asking ourselves why not us. We can never get at a place in life where we feel untouchable like certain things can’t and won’t happen to us. Everything that happens in our life can be seen as a lesson or a blessing but nothing is ever a waste. When things don’t work in our favor, we tend to feel defeated and like there was no purpose in going through a situation. There is a lesson behind everything we do in life. We can never get to a place where we feel we know it all, or that we don’t have any room to grow. Sometimes we go through things more than one time simply because we may have missed the mark the first time. Maybe a lesson may have been missed from a situation prior. I’m a firm believer of God placing us in certain situations to help bring self-awareness. Rather than trying to tell others about themselves, I feel that we should focus on receiving the lesson ourselves

Becoming What You Try to Avoid

Are you the type of person to point out what you don’t like about someone else before taking a look into the mirror? Ever heard the saying, “point one finger at someone else, three point back?” I believe it is both safe and easy to observe the things we dislike about others. Yet we have a hard time trying to take a look at ourselves to see the part that we play. Sometimes we become too self-absorbed making sure a person knows our likes and dislikes. By doing this, we take the focus off being able to take a look at ourselves to see how we attracted that energy. We attract either who we currently are or who we used to be. The more we try to avoid the qualities or dysfunction, the more we open ourselves up to becoming that very thing we said we disliked. Once we develop a mind to become aware of the qualities and triggers of what we don’t like, it can help us pay attention to when we may develop these traits. By becoming aware, we will know how to deal with ourselves and change these things. The best remedy to aid becoming what we don’t like is sometimes remaining silent. Silence is golden. In my recent development as a 24-year-old, I have learned the essence of silence. I no longer feel a need or yearning to get a point across to a person. If that person knows how I feel, and whether or not I was affected, that’s all that matters. The older you become, the more aware you are of your self-development. Sometimes is not the relationships we form, but why and how these relationships form.

Living Your Best Life

Have you ever tried to live your life trying to meet the expectations of those around you? Made a decision based off of what someone else said worked for them or made a decision to better fit someone else’s happiness besides your very own? If you can at least answer yes to any of these posing questions, chances are, you are not living the best life to fit your happiness. The longer we go on doing things to make others happy, the more we subtract from ourselves and our happiness. I believe the best remedy to aid living your best life, is simply asking yourself, if these same people you're living your life through, will stop and do the same for you, by stopping their happiness and living their life through your expectations. Chances are when the opportunity presents itself, I’m sure they wouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s some cases where people will consider those around them and how they could be affected if they chose to make a certain life decision. Considering how those can be affected is fine, however, if we considered everyone’s feelings, it could potentially change our aspect from wanting to do something to not wanting to do it. How to avoid this; is by having a mind of your own. Don’t allow someone’s opinion to alter your own. Why try to fit in with the opinion of others, when we all were created as unique individuals to all standout? I believe where we all fall short daily, is making the mistake to believe that how a person did something, is how we have to do things, or how things will map out for us. People share testimonials and experiences to inspire, so that people may believe that it is achievable. Live your best life and not through someone else’s camera lens.

Miss 20 Something

Thank God for them 20 somethings. As a young woman being 24, I can honestly say these few years have been quite the experience. They say with your 20’s that you should be selfish. Your able to fully immerse yourself in life by doing anything possible. That is travel the world, experience love, explore, and be selfish with your time. Your learning about yourself most during your 20’s. So I believe it is an important crucial period that a person is willing to involve themselves with themselves fully, before being in the company or relationship with others. If we’re not able to identify ourselves, and we start to deal with a person who knows who they are, we tend to dismiss who they are at times because we don’t who and what we are. What a person values you may not have the same value. What bothers one person sometimes won’t bother the next. However, possessing the quality of transparency allows for us to try to meet a person halfway. Transparency is a quality I’ve learned in my 20’s and it in fact is very important to me. Use your 20’s to be open for change, transparency, love, no love, lessons, trial and error, and happiness. Your 20’s help make you strong for life, it is the time to experience true adult growth pains. As my sister told me for the first time in 2017 when I was living with her in the summer, she asked, “Wanae have you ever heard of the term GRIT?” I’m sitting in silence and then I reply, “no.” My sister then proceeded to tell me to look up the term. She wanted me to look up the definition due to some of my conversations I had with her about some difficulties I may have been experiencing in life. I was both surprised and humbled to learn that GRIT means, “courage and resolve; the strength of character.” She would say that although I may experience things in life that may cause obstacles, how I handle them and true humbleness shows true GRIT.

Be Kind

In life, I find that we try to change the perception of people’s feelings. What I mean by this exactly is, we say things to individuals and they are either affected positively or negatively by it. If they are affected negatively, we may say what was actually intended and by doing this, we think this will change the outcome of the person’s feelings. Perception is something that we are all entitled to. We shouldn’t try to make others feel as if they’re wrong for their feelings or perception if we don’t agree with it. When it comes to perception there is no right or wrong. We should be sensitive to others when it comes to the things we may say or do to them. Although people may forgive us, they do not forget our actions. Be mindful of how you treat those around you. Apologies correct behavior they do not comfort feelings. Don’t say something you know you’ll later regret saying. What we put out into others and the universe, we get back in return. Be of a positive spirit to others in order to experience life’s true blessings and happiness.

Into Consciousness

Do you ever hear the inner voice inside your mind that you’re afraid to listen to? That inner voice that tells you what you want to do, but just are too afraid of doing? I mean the kind of inner voice that after a while; causes discomfort in your daily existence in life. Sometimes, it’s the result of fear that keeps us from wanting to listen to what this inner voice may be telling us to do. I don’t know what speaks more volumes; fear or ignoring the inner voice to the point the point that the inner voice isn’t in your subconscious, but becomes apart of your conscious. You begin to bring it to your state of awareness and presently converse about this voice. Don’t be afraid of this voice. Fear causes us to miss out on what life has to offer for us. Our thoughts are the blueprint for what we want to do, but sometimes not knowing how or when to do them. Centralizing our thoughts, and becoming aware of everything that crosses our mind is a practice of good mental health. It’s important that we take into account our mental health just as much as we do our physical health. The best way to work towards practicing mental health is by journaling all the things that come to mind daily. By doing this you allow your mind to get rid of the things that really don’t matter because nine times out of ten, you won’t think about these things again. Our mind has a way of thinking about important things we need to think about, while on the contrary we also may think and take on what we give our energy to. Be careful of consuming the energy of other people’s problems because it’ll throw your energy off balance.

Inside Story On: What Young Women Struggle With Today

With modern issues in today’s society, we all can find one way or two to relate to one another. Whether it be by our dreams, aspirations, struggles, accomplishments, or failures. According to the 2010 census, the world is consumed by 157 million females; men came in at 151.8 million. I know you’re probably thinking wow that’s a lot of women, I myself thought the same thing. So many women with many relatable struggles. I had the luxury of being able to connect with many Queens in my circle from around the US. They may be far in distance, but they all share the same view on what they feel young women today struggle with:

QueenMelanin: "What do you feel young women struggle with today?"

Annmarie (20, Toronto)
“I believe a lot of young women struggle with trying to reach goals that aren’t true for themselves but to seek validation from others. Sometimes it does make them happy in the end but overall a lot of the times it’s because of societal or family influence”

Niyah (23, New Jersey)
“Trying to live up to the expectations that society and even more so the media has placed upon us when it comes to our appearance. A lot of young women feel they need to live up to this in order to fit in/be accepted by others.”

Taylon (17, Mississippi)
“I think that the problem is that we’re afraid to show people the real us. Our confidence is low because we are constantly shown by celebrities how we are supposed to look and how our bodies are supposed to look as well.”

Atiya (34, New Jersey)
“The struggle
1. Self-love
2. Self-awareness of emotions(what’s the root of where the pain ignites
3. Knowledge of their power- thinking pass materialistic and surface areas...divine power”

Chanty (20, Montreal)
“I feel the struggle is a lack of self-confidence. a lot of young women have no proper support, no foundation & that’s mostly where self-doubt & lack of self-confidence comes from. Us women have such high standers in today’s day, so we push our limits.”

Bria (24, South Carolina)
“I think young women of today struggle with self-love which equates to self: confidence, awareness, and happiness. The young women of today need to learn how to turn off the judgmental voice in their head that may say how they're not pretty enough, smart enough, or deserving, etc. because it is not true. To the beautiful young woman reading this, “you are perfect because a perfect being created you. Carry an open mind and a heart filled will love. Let go of fear and pursue your passions. Your purpose has already been established because you were born. All that's left is to live and let live free of judgment; there is no one way to live your life.”

Cherise (25, New York)
“I think the biggest problem facing young women right now is the ability to be heard and taken seriously. As, women we already have many doubting our abilities, being young on top of that can make things even more difficult.”


Miya (23, New Jersey)
“I think young women today struggle with comparison the most. So many young women (including myself ) compare themselves to other women we see on social media. We feel like we are suppose to look or do what we see other young women our age doing (ex: vacations, apartments, degrees, body goals, boyfriends, cars ) it’s like in this generation if you don’t have a certain amount of likes or followers you are irrelevant. The important thing to remember is that we as young women have to find our value and worth, not in what society accepts but within ourselves ❤️”


QueenMelanin: Thank you, queens, for sharing the vulnerability of being the voice for all the young women out there. We hear you, Queens, we know what you are going through, and you are most definitely not alone. Far in distance but close in spirit. Be who you are, love who you are, and remain true to who you are.

Good Evening Queens. Life may get difficult, the road may seem far, but never let these obstacles keep you from staying consistent to reach the things you may want to achieve. Stay strong, stay positive, and stay open minded always ready to experience change. It’s the way we adapt that helps us realize the meaning of it all. Sometimes the things that may seem to kick us off track, may be things we may need to experience to be a master in what we may want to achieve. Trust the process✨

Self (InToMeISee)

Who we are on the inside has a reflection of who and what we are on the outside. We must be mindful of who we are as individuals so we can know how to deal with those around us. How we view ourselves internally has an impact on our day to day interactions in our personal relationships. Sometimes we treat ourselves so negatively and wonder why we can't be good to those around us. Not knowing that it starts with us first. Before you try to be good to anyone else around you, be of a great person to yourself first. I'm a firm believer in "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you." The best principle to live by is self-evaluation. The behaviors we practice with other people sometimes need to be self-evaluated. Sometimes it's not what we do that may be negative or bad, but how we handle it will determine both the type of person we are and the heart we have.  Let's discover the type of people we are, and work on our heart towards how we deal with others.

Be True Be You

All too often we find ourselves trying or attempting to be something we are not. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be true to yourself. You may find it difficult to be true to others, however, if you don't do anything else, be sure to always be true to you. If we can't be true to ourselves, we can't be true to other people. Anything that you have to fabricate about yourself to someone else, that shows that you aren't comfortable being who you're portraying to be. No one else's happiness matters than your very own. For some people, happiness isn't something they experience all the time but in seasons. I like to believe that during these season's, their is a possibility that a person may have difficulty experiencing happiness or being themselves. The best thing to do during these seasons are things that involve feeling good about yourself. Perhaps you may want to get a new haircut, rearrange your bedroom with some decorations, declutter your belongings, journal, meditate, and listen to music. Doing activities will help to distract you while feeding your spirit in a positive way. Sometimes we have too many distractions around us that may be keeping us from being true to who we are. While we are still young and growing, we are still finding our way in finding ourselves. Being that this is the case, it's important we surround ourselves with people who won't try to alter who we are. Sure change is good, but you have to want it for yourself and not because someone else suggest it. Too many distractions will cloud your judgement of yourself. We don't realize just how much we are influenced by those we may have around us; from the way we talk, to the way we dress, and communicate, we are either negatively or positively impacted by our surroundings. You may not be able to control these influences, but you definitely are able to control how you respond to these influences and deciding whether or not you will be true to you, or to be true to someone else? 

Motivational Monday

Influenced by society and our everyday interactions,  we measure up to what society tells us to be, what our jobs/careers expect us to be, and what school teaches us to be. In the midst of this all, when do we find the time to be ourselves? It takes a special kind of strength to beat the odds of what we are told to be and still being able to obtain our true selves. By being yourself you don't focus on having to impress people. If a person focuses on trying to impress people, they're not being themselves. For example, in situations of empathy, you can act from your value of being empathetic rather than wanting to appear empathetic. Things like this should come from within a person naturally. When a person remains true to themselves, they focus on what they're doing and shut down the inner approval of others. Their main focus is being present in the external world. On this day, I motivate you to be yourself by not worrying about yourself. By analyzing how you may come off to others, and what others are thinking about you, modifying your behavior is appealing to that person's image. Looking at others with yourself in mind, you use them as a mirror and attempt to try to see yourself through that person's eyes and adjust the image of yourself accordingly. I want to both challenge and motivate you to simply shut down wanting to be approved by others. Appreciate who you are even though your flaws; by doing this, people will begin to appreciate you too. People's approval of you is something that isn't needed. However, by being true to yourself, you allow a person the opportunity to accept you for who you are, even if they do not agree with it. 

Freedom Friday

Living in a world where people are constantly telling us what we should be, we struggle with the understanding of what we really want to be. Be strong in who you are, even if it doesn’t fit for someone else. Look at life like a puzzle, you may not be the piece of someone’s description, but  may conclude and fit someone else’s image. ͏Life wasn’t intended for us to become anything solely, but to discover who we were intended to be in the first place. Release things that aren’t  you and that are keeping you in bondage. Know who you are to get to where you want to be. 

P.S. Want Queen Melanin to see your very own inspirational post too? Share your own quotes, images, and words of encouragement via Instagram then hashtag each post with  #rsq👑 #QueenMelaninG👑

Good Morning Queens 👸🏻 👸🏼 👸🏽 👸🏾👸🏿

Remember to be your own kind of beautiful. 

Although we may be attractive beings in the flesh, it's important to remember that our internal should match the external. 

We may go through things in life, but we don't have to look like what we've gone through.

A queen's strength is in her crown and her poise. 

Anyone can be a queen, but not everyone can be royal. 

Royalty is nobility. A queen's soul is what's most royal and noble about her. 

Affirmations for today: 

I will strive to be my own kind of beautiful

I will always strive to have great character 

I will find my strength even when life gets difficult 

ready.set.Queen

Encouraging Words From Queen Melanin Goddess 

"Hello Queens 👸🏻 👸🏼 👸🏽 👸🏾👸🏿

We are beginning a new season as Spring begins to approach the air. 

Spring symbolizes rebirth and renewal. 

Love, hope, youth and growth are also symbolisms of spring. 

Allow for this new season to be a season of surrendering. 

Let's Step outside of ourselves. 

We may share differences as individuals when it comes to the things that make us who we are; character. 

We are one in the same, sharing probably the same struggle or possessing the same level of strength. 

When we allow for ourselves to become vulnerable to others, it creates a support system. 

We don't have to go through life always struggling alone to support ourselves.

It's okay to allow for yourself to share your story with someone else.

Your testimony can be of a guide to the next young woman.

Let's not compete or be judgmental towards one another, but be individuals who inspire to aspire"-

Melanin Goddess