Confessions with Co

My Skin is Wealthy

Smooth like Mocha a weapon of mass destruction to the world. Tell me what do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see pain? Do you see strength? Or do you see the little girl who’s been flawed by the words of a white-washed world? As a brown girl who’s been a minority in many settings since I was 11, I became aware that the color of my skin is a threat. From the “I didn’t know black people could get darker” comments to the “why isn’t your hair straight” I’m still standing in my blackness today motivated and eager to teach brown and black girls that their skin is WEALTH and there is greatness in BLACKNESS; UNAPOLOGETICALLY. I don’t blame black women for not knowing this because had my journey not been what it was as far as me being the only black girl in my class; at some point the whole school, and experiencing racism at the age of 11 until I was 16 I would be just as conditioned by the same societal racial ignorance. Surrounded by ignorance young I learned quickly as a child that my blackness wouldn’t be accepted but later held on a mainstream level as culture disapprobation for profit. Women are going through desperate measures to skin bleach and rid themselves of their MELANIN. MELANIN is sold on the market for $350 per gram. How could my blackness offend you so much that you want to become me? Is it because YOU see the WEALTH in my MELANIN just as I do despite your desperate measures to change my depiction of my blackness? The world and religion have conditioned us to believe that the color black is associated with death, evil, aggression, and fear. It is the Black Panther Party that added what the world forgets to tell us about the color black. The ability to be defined by your past is almost inevitable. You must rid yourself of who you were to become who you are destined to be. Our past pain shouldn’t depict our present and limit us to become fearful of achieving greatness. At times we can cause our insecurities due to not ridding ourselves of past pain. Be free to be and give yourself the freedom to accept that your pain ignites your passion. Black is symbolic of strength, authority, elegance, sophistication, and last but not least; POWER. The POWER to motivate others through my pain because just like you, that little girl haunts me too when I’m alone in my blackness.

Finding Your Why

Many of us are here existing day by day trying to find our why in existing. By why the point intended is a person's reason for existing; their God-given divine purpose. Life may not make sense to some of us and the reason we are placed in certain situations seems infallible. Whether we are examples of being incapable of making mistakes or one to believe there is no reasoning behind things occurring in our lives, at 5:57 am August 26th, 2019 my innermost self, spoke to me in a way that will allow me to speak to you. In hearts of all hearts, what may be done in our life may not make sense to use today tomorrow but there is a purpose in everything we do. It is our innate thoughts and desires that help drive us to our purpose.  What is truly meant and destined for us no man can take away. It is strongly encouraged that you find your why. Without a why we live life aimlessly. Our purpose in existing is the things we enjoy doing most in life no matter the indifferent conditions. If you had to wake up every day and for the rest of your life be operating in what it is you think your purpose is could you do it for the rest of your life even without pay? If your answer is yes without hesitation, you've found your purpose and you're already on the journey to cultivate. However, if your response is no, you may be at a standstill when it comes to this journey we call life. Being at a standstill is okay because sometimes the momentum is meant to be slowed down for some of us. There is no timer or clock to race against when finding your purpose. Sure life may be short, but we must remember that slow and steady wins the race. Having a successful and purposeful life may be timeless but that doesn't mean to live life carelessly. Paddle your own canoe and be the pilot to navigate your life. Finding your why can be discouraging but that shouldn't deter you from wanting to do it. Find hobbies or extracurricular activities that you are passionate about and master of it. The worse thing that one can do is have a secret talent or ability and just be "good" at it. There is always room for improvement and growth. While on the journey of life always be eager and open to change. The only person standing between you and your purpose is YOU. We must rid ourselves of procrastination, negativity, and all other things that may limit us telling us that we can't. In some cases, our purpose is out of alignment and we must change navigation while en route. However, these alternative routes shouldn't ever make us question our journey even if it is our destination that seems impossible to reach. It is our faith that we must keep alive even if our goals and dreams don't seem tangible at the moment or ever. In  the words of the late-great Nipsey Hussle, "Spoke some things into the universe and they appeared I say it's worth it, I won't say it's fair, find your purpose or you wasting air."

Communication Block

"Hello?"

"Is anyone there?"

"Can anyone hear me?"

Communication Block

"Are you even listening?" 

"Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself"

"Maybe I am talking to myself"

Communication Block 

I mean I have been for months.

What is a communication block to someone who's used to getting out their words?

Social Inhibition.

"Is it the lack of conformity to standard lines of communication that bothers you?"

"What if I told you the best way, someone 

could express themselves is from the bleeding ink of a pen and simplicity of paper?"

"What if I told you I was that someone?"

Coasting for months

Hoping that it'll come back to me

Communication Block 

3 months and 12 days my mind put in overtime 

Emotions Array

Sleepless Nights 

Communication Block

Emotions Internalized 

"This isn't my home"

"How long has it been? 103 days of feeling alone."

Communication Block 

103 days?

Does that make me incompetent?

Maybe just uninspired 

Communication Block 

A block to a greater beginning 

To learn that it's me who hasn't been living 

Forgiving to live 

Live to be free

Harvest Seeds

Water them to flow 

Gardens will grow 

Blossom Challenge- Anonymous Ms. Wear My Heart on My Sleeve

In this segment, I uplift anonymous Ms. “wear my heart on my sleeve.” I discuss different ways of dealing with how people may affect us emotionally.

Blossom Challenge- Cancer Queen

Anonymously uplifting My Cancer Queen in Episode 2 to channel her anger issues in other ways 

Blossom Challenge- Anonymous Miss 20 Something

This episode is for the week of April 1st-April 7st. Anonymous Miss 20 Something and Anonymous Miss 30 something tells coco what they will like to work on for this week and how these behaviors affect their life. If you would like to anonymously participate please message @readysetqueen or @cocoagoddess__ on Instagram.

Year of Awakening

We currently are four months into the new year and so much has happened within our own communities, government, and personal lives. This is the year to become aware of not just our very own home front but what’s taking place in our society on a global and international platform. We need to become more invested in ourselves and our knowledge. Our knowledge and investments are what make us more valuable as people. We should begin to educate ourselves and read more about issues that we may not have knowledge of. Without being aware of the issues around us, we act in stereotypical ways that we have been conditioned to act. Let’s awaken and become the strong Kings and Queens we’ve all been destined to become. We embody this royalty we just have to find ways to tap into them by investing in ourselves mentally, spiritually, physically, financially, and emotionally. It is the year of awakening and we all shall be tested in ways that help us become more aware of our world. We get closer to change every day we take the challenge to wake up and invest in ourselves. What one person does to spark just an idea, creates leadership in someone else to want to further their knowledge.

The Power to Blossom

In perfect timing of the season changing, spring is a daily reminder that change can be beautiful. Sometimes one can become complacent being the way that they are due to it being comfortable. As the author of this blog, I stress the importance of how change helps shape our character and define who and what we are. In the previous posts, I discuss how our fear can limit us if we are afraid to change our ways of living or thinking. However, when it comes to change, we must coin the daily reminder that we shouldn't consume ourselves with things we cannot control or change. Overthinking is what also can limit one from being their best self. The art of overthinking creates anxiety and causes one to doubt their actual ability to change or correct their behavior. The more we think about how others will view us, or the perspective of others once they see we have changed, we will begin to correct our behaviors to how that person wants us to be rather than who we want to actually be. We possess the power to be our best self and must remember this when going on with our daily lives. Specifically, women need to know the power we all possess to blossom into the individuals we are destined to be. With March being Woman's History Month and the spring season commencing, the significance of our power needs to be exerted on us by what we allow ourselves to consume. Women, we must support and uplift one another. True queens help fix other queens crowns.

P.S:

Springtime should be the push to take the initiative to change. April 1st-May 31st Join me in changing things about yourself that you may feel you dislike about yourself. Have no worry you will not be alone in this journey. I will be joining you each week on Sunday to talk about what you have worked on for the week and on Monday to talk about what you intend to improve about yourself for the approaching week. Whether it is health habits, communication improvements, or lifestyle changes etc.. It all counts as change. Let's be of support to one another while we blossom as beautifully as spring.

Be Your Truth

If there is anything worse than being something you’re not, it’s the ability for people to know when you’re being something that you’re not. The most difficult thing to do is tell the truth because some people don’t know exactly how to do that. The truth forces people to deal with things that they may not ever have the courage to deal with. The most important thing to do in life is to be yourself and always tell your truth. Never try to go on with your life trying to prove yourself to anyone. We do not owe anything to anyone in life but to ourselves. The more we try to prove ourselves to people, the more we taint our ability to carry out our purpose. By focusing on proving ourselves to people, we take the attention off our ability to be our best selves. As human beings, we are our own worse critics and although out truth may hurt, we at least are able to grow from situations we experience in life and become a better person. The worse thing a person can do is not learn how to tell their own truth. By being truthful, we give people the opportunity to at least know things about us and formulate their own opinion. No matter what that person chooses to believe about you, you’ve done your job that most people never learn to do and that is; be your truth.

Loving on Me

Today is the day that the world celebrates love. But when will we get to a place where the same way we are able to love others important to us, we're able to love ourselves in that same way? I believe that society has ruined our image of what Valentine’s Day truly is. There may be some people out there who equate this day to how they see it being celebrated by those. I would like for all my ladies to love themselves today. If your day is still going on, take yourself on a date to dinner, dress nice, wear a little makeup, and be intimately involved with yourself that you’re not able to be distracted. This is strictly the day to love yourself abundantly without any limitations. I don’t want us to get into the habit of only loving on ourselves for Valentine’s Day. However, I would like to shift our energy to get into the habit of doing so 365 days a year so that when this holiday comes around, you’re positioned to already know how to make yourself feel good about yourself. When we are constantly ready we never have to get ready. We all as women and even men need to be equipped to love ourselves unconditionally and unapologetically. By loving yourself, it makes it easier and more organic to love someone else. Like I always say, “never be to others what you can’t be to yourself.” The love we give ourself will mirror the type of love we are able to receive from others

Free Yourself

A lot of us are going on through life holding and harboring negativity. I believe that it is important for one to understand the severity of how these barriers can not only affect our lives but attack our health as well. Everything in life seems to be connected in one way, shape, or form. When one area of our life is affected, our other areas now become a threat of attack. Which leads me to now begin to stress the importance of freeing yourself. We all want to live a healthy life of abundance. By doing so, we should first try implementing a healthy lifestyle amongst our lives with our day to day interactions. See what you allow to consume your mind, body, and soul. If it is only stunting your growth or causing you to always react negatively, you know that you have some re-evaluating to do. We can only be as free as we allow ourselves to be. Understand that being carriers of not only deadweight or negative energy, but we also allow these things to truly limit us. It’s almost like the old saying, you are who and what you allow to consume you. We form our interactions based on the commonality of what is around us. I challenge you to re-evaluate the things that may be consuming you. Maybe give yourself a break from these consumptions so that you can see if there is any positive or negative association. Images can sometimes be distorted if we are looking at them up close. There comes a time when self-evaluation is needed amongst us all.

The Journey Within

We don’t always get a second chance at life or a second chance to embark upon journeys. It’s extremely imperative that we maximize all the time that we receive in life. I love to live by the quote; “The only journey is the one within”- Rainer Maria Rilke. What this means in short basically is whatever journey you choose to embark upon, you have YOUR own journey to experience personally through personal experiences. Which means that if you fail once at something, or may not perform to your best abilities. When granting the opportunity again, you should remember the lessons and experiences to help guide you down your new journey. I have recently embarked upon a new journey myself by readmitting into school to finish my Bachelor’s of Science in Clinical and Counseling Psychology. The best thing about this experience is being able to do things differently that I may not have done when I first was enrolled in school. It’s almost like being able to redo your past but from a presentence standpoint. We should look at second chances as opportunities to really maximize our life and not waste time. Not everyone is blessed enough to receive second chances so we should possess a level of gratitude when granting this access. It is called the journey within because while going through these journeys of life, we are each finding our true selves within this journey. So not only are we gaining knowledge through experiences, but we also are learning ourselves. The journey within is something that never stops because it takes a lifetime to not only learn ourselves but to also become aware of our own emotions, actions, dreams, and decisions. Any new journey we embark upon can sometimes raise extreme fear or anxiety. However, do remember to never let fear or anxiety keep you from exploring. Take each day with change one step at a time. The only journey is the journey within.