Lesson in every L

 Tell me your toxic trait without realizing it’s a toxic trait? Mine is the need to control (covers eyes). I know, but before becoming judgmental hear me out. Have you ever tried to control the outcome of a situation or experience in your life; for example, job promotion or relationship outcome (romantic or family), etc.? If you have, chances are you haven’t noticed that this is a level of control. Don’t get me wrong it’s nothing wrong with having control of your life, happiness, and accomplishments. Control becomes unhealthy when you try to control how the outcome will turn out. Instead, try flowing with the way of life. What this means is being open to the possibilities life has to off no matter if the outcome isn’t what you intense for it to be but anchored in faith to understand that the moment you release control, you attract instead of chasing. This year has taught me so much patience, love, compassion, awareness, and transparency that anything not in alignment with these things serves me no purpose. When things are not in alignment with your frequency it doesn’t make the person/thing wrong in morals or value, it just means it isn’t within your vibration. Throughout the year everyone grows and experiences life on life terms this is completely normal. It is okay to grow closer to things that fulfill you and grow apart from things that do not. Sometimes when you try to balance holding onto old behaviors while learning new ones to benefit you, you stagnate your true growth because you’re in constant battle with who you were vs who you want to become. I look at things that no longer serve me purpose as lessons or areas of opportunity to improve. Why? Because there will come a day where you think you’ve grown or elevated in an area and will be challenged or tested to see if you’ve grown based on how you choose to respond. That’s why with lessons and life, you want to look at it as a continuous cycle, meaning no matter how much you elevate as a person be willing to grow in all your relationships to become a better person for you/others, or to help someone become a better person. Sometimes our purpose is much deeper than we might be able to see with our eyesight. In some cases, it may seem unfortunate or difficult at times to have to make a sacrifice for the betterment of others. You may be hurt at the crossfire but sometimes it isn’t always about you but others. This year above all taught me humility and that is to not think less of myself but to think of myself less. 

Beautifully Broken

I’m ready to get undressed. Not literally undressed, but figuratively undressed. I’m talking about the kind of undressing that everyone is afraid to do. The stripping of who you are in order to become someone new. The stripping of the many layers of possible pain someones caused you. The inhabitants of pain that’s defined you for years. What you’re afraid to show but hide behind. I’m ready for you. Ready to become someone new to the point where I look in the mirror and say who? Not because I don’t recognize who I am but because I grew. I’m no longer what I’ve been through and I must say I’m enjoying this view I feel so renewed. We all can improve never assume that you’re too used. We all are a little bruised, some more than others. It takes a certain kind of tender, love, and care to tend to wounds. It’s harder than it sounds. How do I know? Because I’m found. 

GettingRealAndChoosingEveryday

On many occasions as human beings, we spend a vast majority of our life chasing happiness, love, acceptance, and most importantly to be understood. It wasn’t until having to be in complete solitude that I began to understand that the things we seek in others we already can be to ourselves. To have come close to a near-death experience a little over a month ago it’s caused me to find gratitude in not only the good but every experience. Grace; an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or lenience. Friendly reminder that everyone in life can use a practice of good grace in their life. I’m learning to have grace for not only myself but others as well. It’s unfair to set such high expectations on others. You never know what a person may be growing through. Being emotionally unavailable is real and not selfish but at times very necessary for the sake of protecting your peace. Don’t ever become dependent upon a person meeting expectations that you may lack within yourself. It’s important that where you lack you fill yourself to become whole. Self-love is the magnet that attracts. So when you don’t practice self-love and you don’t keep yourself whole, you end up attracting where you currently may be in your life even if you didn’t necessarily notice the space you were in. By practicing self-love you open yourself up to meeting someone on the same frequency. All this means is the person cares for themselves just as much as you care for yourself and no matter what you’ll both add value to each other that’s how happiness works we set the tone. Shift the way you see your life and relationships by only focusing on the good, letting go of what was, and accepting the lessons you learned.

LOVE IS.......

 Love is…… a product of our very own upbringing. It is the result of the relationships we attract during our very own existence. In fact, it is the way we are loved that teaches us how to love. Love is…..leaving your rough draft in the past and revising your draft daily no matter how many times or how long it takes to get the perfect final draft. We only can love based on experience. So like everything in life, there are good and bad things when it comes to love. Imagine what life must be like when your heart grows fond of a person. Notice how I said, “a person” and not “your person.” Sometimes it is the worldly possessions of the ideals of love that make us feel we own a person when really Love is…the experience with a person. We can’t possess people but we can hold onto the memories we create. At least once in life, we will all end up loving the wrong person the right way. In fact, if it wasn’t for the good or bad experiences of love we wouldn’t know how and what our heart truly desires. It’s almost like you get so encrypted in this person's existence you begin to put their needs and wants above yours. Your self-love begins to lack and we all know self-love is the best love. Love is…….individuality with the expectation that your happiness is important whether you’re in a relationship or not. Love is….having to not decide because there is no such thing as making a decision when you’re the only option. If you could love the wrong person the right way just imagine the love you would give the right person. Love is like the ocean; some days are rough, some days are angry, some days are gentle and smooth. Similar to the waves in the ocean, we must choose to weather the storm or jump ship. Love is….. always changing, always different, yet always constantly in motion. Love isn’t….. smooth sailing all the time; it’s in those rough seas that allow us to see who we truly are and just how strong we are. Love is who I once recognized but also not knowing who'd I become. Love is embracing the attraction of where I was in order to reach the places I haven’t even seen. As we begin to know something or someone can we truly begin to love it; To know me is to love me.

Calm Before The Storm

“I am not only the calm before the storm I am both the calm and the storm.” I bring peace in Storms come to disrupt. The storm never scared me it was standing alone in the storm that did. It wasn't until it was time that I stand alone in the storm did I realize my strength. Storms bring curiosity. It’s something about a storm that brings a sense of peace in the midst of the potential danger that storms bring. When we think of the “eye of the storm” it is the peaceful place of the storm. Storms are moving so although the eye of the storm is a peaceful place, it would be safe for no more than a brief period. You have no way of knowing when the sunshine will appear if you avoid the storm. The storm's end is the rainbow's beginning. Where there are no storms there are no rainbows. Like life, storms occur and Klaus Baudelaire stated, "When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in." it’s important to remember you won’t be the same person each time you make it through different storms. You’ll become a better version of yourself and be prepared for the next storm and able to recognize signs early. Although you can prepare for a storm, that doesn’t mean that with all the preparation in the world it won’t cause potential damage. You must weather the storm; deal with a difficult situation without being harmed or damaged too much. As I write this I take my own advice. In times of difficulty, I find gratitude in knowing storms don’t last forever. When you chase rainbows, it is inevitable you will run into storms”-Matshona Dhliwayo